Friday, 8 January 2010

My love for all things cheap & fake.

Fake tan is one of my best friends.
I am one of the most pale people I have ever known. Naturally my skin is almost translucent. My chest shows visible blue veins through my grey tinted skin.
I don't care what anyone says, there is nothing interesting about it. Without a hint of colour my outfits look unfinished, and to me, there's very few things worse.
I have been a fake tan junkie now for a couple of years, after coming out of a non-conformist 'it's OK to be pale' phase (the photo's from this phase upset me, particularly as I was also working an almost black hair colour), and I can honestly say, I shall never look back.
Now after all this time of tanning, I have got through many a tan brand, whether it be wash off, gradual, aerosol, mousse, spray, you name it I've used it, and as a result I have turned some very interesting colours, (not just orange). During my brief affair with St. Tropez I was frequently seen looking like a Teenage Mutant Ninja Hero Turtle, good show, not a good look. However, With St. Moriz (and the kind help of my applicator mitten), I have met my match, my friend, my saviour, my life long partner. At £2.99 a bottle, this tanning mousse is love in a bottle, turning me from a spawn of frosty the snow man, to a lovely shade of 'I've just returned from a mini break in Miami', in under 10 minutes. I couldn't ask for more. Goodbye the days of building up a tan 4 days before my night out, hiding in my room while it turns from green to orange, goodbye to the tan being washed off as soon as I step in the shower, and goodbye to my bed stinking of mouldy biscuits.

Forever I am yours St. Moriz.


A more recent found love of mine, are false eyelashes. From your low key fine lash, to your drag queen. I don't care. ''You look like a bloody camel'' (thanks Mom). Anything to conceal the fact that my eyelashes are the most pale, stubby and weak (an eyelash equivalent to the most bullied kid in schools nationwide, if you will) lashes you could imagine.
Now until recently, false eyelashes were no-go territory, every attempt made by myself, ended in fury, sticky fingers, glue ridden tweezers and me washing everything off and going without. However, these days are over! No more shall I be beaten by these money swallowing time wasters. I am now the master, the Queen, of fake eyelash application, and to add to this glory, the eyelashes that have turned it all around are a measly £1 from... yes, Poundland. Needless to say I've stocked up (OK, I bought every pair left in the shop, it was the right thing to do).
Hello pretty long lashed eyes, welcome to my life!

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